Bye Smartphone

I’m going to give up my smartphone.
I hate the bloody thing.
Absolutely loathe it.

It’s broken, see. Of course it can tweet and Facebook and browse the internet, look up articles on Wikipedia and give me instant access to every cute puppy video on YouTube (not to mention a million blurry selfies and all the dinners ever made). But the one thing it cannot do is make phone calls.

Smart? Maybe. Phone? Not so much.

I want to go back to my Sony Ericsson C510, but this SIM card will no longer fit. The Sony Ericsson was lovely. It made phone calls – received them too – and text messages… Oh boy, could I send text messages. Honestly, the text messages were one of the main draws. The smartphone can’t do that either.

I do know one fix for the issue with my smartphone. It’s the tech helpline favourite: turn it off and on again.

Only the smartphone can’t manage that. Not unless it’s plugged in. Even with a full battery.

I was using it to Google a solution. I looked for twenty minutes before I got a stress headache and stopped. That’s when I realised… I don’t need this shit.

I don’t want updates every two weeks.
I don’t want six thousand notifications for all the apps I ever used.
I don’t want “smart”.

I just want a phone.

And so I’m getting a new SIM card and giving up the smartphone. It’s going to begin a new career as a torch. Or a paperweight.

Time will tell.

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